Bread, bread, bread

Bread, bread, bread

Bread is really the stuff of my life or at least a large proportion of my morning. I make around 100+ rolls a day. I am no expert baker by any means but this following process will produce good results.

First of all I would like to clear up the reason for rolls over loaves. With rolls I know how many portions I have for service and dont have to worry about front of house cutting slices that could choke a swan, leaving me to quickly bake again for second service.

The down side of rolls is that they take a bit more prep. They are also next to useless for beating off a drunk kp who thinks grabbing your nipples while you work is hilarious. A good loaf, I can attest, will leave a black eye. A roll will only spur said kp to greater acts of irritation. If this is a problem at home I suggest firstly that you have a pretty fucked up domestic situation but secondly to arm yourself with a long wooden lavash rolling pin as used by housewives across the med. This will leave a nasty welt and your afternoon completely unmolested.

Anyway here is the recipe for 80 or so rolls:

3.8kg white flour
100g bakers yeast check packet if using dried
100g salt
100g sugar
500 butter
Flavourings such as chopped herbs

Get your starter going. This is my first job of the day. So early is this job, that the coffee has not been put on and no-one has had a cigarette yet.

Mix sugar, yeast warm water in a container. Leave in warm place. Grab your coffee and go for a fag. Discuss who got pissed last night and make plans for pay day in 3 and a half weeks time.

When you return the yeast should be frothy. Put in large mixer, if you dont have one figure it out. Dont try and handle a mix this large without a mixer and dough hook. If you already have sorry I really should have said something sooner.

Chuck all in and get it mixing add flavourings now. Slowly add water till dough forms and cleans bowl. Pull out and knead until springy.

Cover, warm place. Have another coffee maybe a ciggy if you are not rammed tonight. Leave till doubled.

When doubled beat back. Use your imagination. Maybe the dough is an ex lover, maybe a commie who sings to radio 1 out of tune, whatever beat the fuck out of it. Cover with a wet towel and divide into 50g portions, make them into balls by rolling them in a loose claw hand. Lay on baking trays and again leave to rise. Egg wash and then bake on med heat until hollow sounding when flicked.

There you go. Sorry for the rush ending but I need to squeeze in another pint before second shift.

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